Hi guys, I hope you’re all keeping well! In this blog post I wanted to share with you what I’ve been loving lately and just a little chat about some persistent thoughts I’ve been having.
First for a little catch up, the start of this year has been pretty positive; I had my birthday in Edinburgh, got a new job in a library, passed my theory test, finished an embroidery piece, I’ve been working hard on my YouTube channel and on my writing & art too. Plus, you know, adulting et al.
These, I can objectively recognise, are really good things that get me a little bit closer to the habits I’ve set myself for this year. But honestly, despite all these positive steps, I’ve been feeling that creeping feeling that has followed me around most of my life and have really culminated in my 20’s; lack of self esteem, depression, thoughts of just not being good enough or successful enough in all aspects of my life.
I just turned 26 and I don’t have it together; I’m not as financially stable as I want to be, my dream career hasn’t taken off yet but I am working on it, I don’t own my own home, I don’t feel 100% or even 50% comfortable in my own skin most days…the list goes on.
It hasn’t helped that I’ve been consistently comparing myself to other people around my age that seem to have everything together. It’s hard sometimes to me real with yourself, and admit you just feel…inadequate and start tackling the root of those feelings head on, I have always been a terrible person for working myself to the bone and being insanely hard on myself. I just wanted to share how I was feeling and see if any of you can relate?
I’ve just been thinking how far I’ve come in the last 5 years (even 24 year old me is completely unrecognisable from 26 year old me, thankfully!) but also how far I have to go and it’s terrifying. However I’m determined to turn these fears around and keep working on myself.
On a more positive note, I also wanted to share with you all those little things that have been making me smile this winter too, to counteract some of the glumness.
Reading Get a Life, Chloe Brown – This is a hilarious contemporary romance about a woman called Chloe who suffers from a chronic illness. The fall out from her illness is isolation, a distinct lack of excitement and fulfiment in her life and difficulty in opening up to well, anyone. So, after a brush with death, she finally writes a rather ballsy ‘Get a Life list’ and falls in love in the process.
Getting out more and seeing the first Spring blooms – Today I forced myself to go out for the walk as it was one of the few days that the sun was shining. I am a bit of a hermit and a homebody at the best of times, but until my new job starts I am at risk of staying home all day everyday. Just leaving the house and being around other people stops me overthinking incessantly and just grabbing a coffee and reading a good book is it’s own kind of medicine.
Hanging out with my cats – This one needs no explanation, my cats are the best cats there are and they bring me so. much. joy.
Cooking new recipes – Sometimes, when I’m home alone and not feeling particularly happy I like to make myself an excessively extravagant lunch and enjoy it in all it’s splendour. Just because. I’ve loved using the cold weather to make warming, healthy foods that make me feel good. I also realllly want to learn how to make bread, so that’s next on the ‘to try’ list!
Going back to London, and spending time with my family & friends – Living away from friends and family can be so hard. I decided whilst I had the time off to spend 2 weeks with my loved ones and just catch up! I baked banana bread and visited to the National Portrait Gallery with my sister Jess. While in London I also went to see the INCREDIBLE new broadway show The Prince of Egypt with my best friend – the singers in this are phenomenal.
Starting to sow seeds for our garden – Lastly here’s a shout out to gardening as a form of stress relief. My boyfriend and I became a bit obsessed with nurturing and planting our garden last summer. And we learnt some lessons along the way, i.e. do not just chuck a bunch of seeds straight in the ground and aspect them to grow hahah! This year we’re back at it, and honestly it’s one of my favourite relaxing hobbies.
Thank you for reading this incredibly long and rambling blog post, all my love to any of you who can relate to all the the things I’ve been feeling. I’m here if you ever what to chat about it.